Adolescents are like elastics

These babies are growing up, learning how to smile, their first words, their first steps, their first drawings that you proudly put up on the wall. These children that fall from their bikes, scratch their knees, cry when afraid of the dark or when they are sick, they require a lot of support, attention and love because they are learning how to be independent. As they grow up, their clothes don’t fit them anymore, the hug is not welcomed anymore, they like wearing dark clothes and start walking in tribes, having their own languages. One day they go from being a child to becoming an adult, it’s a lot to take, it’s a huge change, this is adolescence.

Adolescence is one of the biggest transitions in human life, hormones are acting up, changing their whole body, their way of thinking, how they view and understand the world, as if they have lost their identity. The concepts they have learned until this moment from their parents, morals, ethics start being questioned and don’t seem to make sense anymore. These adolescents don’t fit or belong in the world, that’s when they start experimenting, trying to find their place, to find themselves, testing their limits, storm out, slam doors.

Adolescents get irritated easily and believe they know everything. They think they don’t need their parents anymore, conflicts arise because they start having their own ideas, morals, values that are different from their family’s, they become an elastic. They need to hide in their caves and it’s where they spend most of their time until they become adults. The cave is the most precious place for this adolescent because it’s where they are trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together to understand the world around them. It’s also the most difficult time for the parents, as if they had lost their child, that innocent child that used to love being hugged, kissed and be together during the family trip. Adolescents become unreachable and untouchable, as if they’ve grown thorns on their bodies. It’s a time that as a parent you can either understand and support their children or lose them forever for misunderstanding and miscomprehension and believe me, confronting them it’s not the solution. Parents criticize, yell, put the adolescents in time out, go on guilt trips or ground them but deeper inside what each adolescent really needs is love. This time it’s a different kind of love, they need to be heard, embraced although they have their own time and they are yet that scary child.

Behind that shield, adolescents are extremely fragile, vulnerable and scared, they need to feel you have their backs when they need it, that you are there for them when they need to talk, that you can hold them when they need to cry, it’s a time that they need you the most no matter what, believe it or not.Adolescents are like elastics, they will get away with things, try to escape, hide inside their caves and yes they need to leave, they need to try, to experiment, to learn, to be in conflict, they need to lose their identity in order to grow up, mature, they need to get lost to find themselves again, find who they are and their role in the world, and one day they will come back to you eventually, it’s a matter of time and patience.

Cíntia Lobão